The World Is Such a Loud Place And It Seldom Stops Talking

Photo © dan_giles | Flickr / Creative Commons
[image: A red lit-up mute button featuring a crossed-out microphone symbol.]

Sara Earhart
seekingsara174.com

Hearing is the sense that gives me the most trouble to the point that I often wish I had a mute button for the world around me. Sometimes I even wonder what it would be like to have a cochlear implant that I could detach when sound was just too overpowering. The world is such a loud place and it seldom stops talking.

Some days are better than others. Sometimes my brain does a better job at filtering sounds toward the back of my mind, but most days the sound comes at me all at once in a jumble of confusing, overwhelming chaos. Each sound jockeys for position at the front of my mind as each insists I pay close attention to its deafening shouts. It’s an exhausting experience to be constantly inundated with such a loud, insistent world without the ability to filter any of it out.

Even now while I write this post in a relatively quiet room, sound is everywhere. The high-pitched chirping of a bird outside the window is joined by the electric whine of the TV (which is off), the shower running upstairs, a family member walking on the floor above me, a goose in the front yard honking incessantly, the walls and windows settling, the wind swooshing through the trees out back, an electric toothbrush pulsing, a door opening and closing, the hum of the ice maker, the neighbor’s car door slamming…All loud. All insistent.

I am very easily startled, overwhelmed, or distracted by sounds. I’m likely to jump at a sudden loud noise, and it can often be very painful. A lot of sounds are physically painful to me: fireworks (which I also feel as a punch in the chest), alarms, sirens, anything shrill, etc. Some are less painful but more overwhelming; those make me feel like I’m drowning: crowds, loud music, revving engines, etc.

These are some of the most extreme sounds for me: fireworks, fire alarms, sirens of any kind, pitch-bending (sliding between notes), dentist drills, wood saws or drills, squealing bike brakes, shrill voices, whistles, people whistling, motorcycles revving, airplanes overhead, loud voices/shouting, loud and unexpected sounds in general, high-pitched noises, tapping or clicking, people talking behind me, crowds, out of key music, hairdryers, vacuum cleaners…

While I doubt that these things are pleasant for most people, they can be absolutely excruciating to me.

It’s important to note that auditory sensory overload isn’t always related to sounds I don’t like. When I’m overstimulated, I can’t handle any sound. Not my favorite song or an otherwise pleasant white noise or even the sound of a loved one’s voice. At that point, any sound is toxic until I recover.

Here are some examples of my intense auditory sensitivities to give you a better idea of my experiences:

LOOPING

Sometimes a noise or sound gets stuck in my head. I call this “looping” and it can be maddening. Think about something like nails on a chalkboard. (Even typing that makes me physically uncomfortable. But that cringing sensation that a lot of people experience is how many sounds feel to me!) Imagine that sound getting trapped in your head and sort of echoing again and again and again–long after the actual sound has passed. This happens to me fairly frequently and it’s extremely painful and distressing.

ELECTRONICS

I did an experiment with a friend once while studying abroad. After months of being annoyed by the high-pitched whine of the old TV in the corner of the dorm kitchen, I finally grumbled, “It’s so LOUD!!” My friend looked at the sumo match on the TV, back to me, and then back to the cheering crowd on the screen. “Loud? Ok, I’ll turn it down.”

I shook my head. “Not the program. That shrill sound that comes from the TV.” He cocked his head and muted the TV–listening intently. To my surprise, he said he couldn’t hear it. I was completely shocked.

“You can’t hear that? Seriously? It’s all I can hear…” We decided to do an experiment. I turned my back on the TV. He kept the volume muted and silently turned the TV on and off and I told him whether it was on or not based on the whining sound. I left the kitchen and started to walk down the hallway, calling back to him “ON! OFF!!… ON! OFF! No, STILL ON! Ha, tricky!” as I passed room after room.

I made it all the way down to the end of the hallway where I could still hear the faint sound of the shrill TV. When I got back into the room my friend was shaking his head. “Is that why you always turn it off when no one’s watching it? I thought you just really hated sumo or something.”

FIRE ALARMS

One year while teaching in Japan, my desk was located directly beside the fire alarm. I didn’t realize this because it looked different from the ones I’m used to seeing. (In some ways I’m glad I didn’t know because if I had, I may not have been able to relax.) One day, we had an unexpected fire drill and the alarm blared directly at me. It was actual physical agony. I can still remember the physical pain throughout my body and the extreme nausea: I almost threw up. I was on edge for the rest of the day—jumpy and fidgety until I could go home and sit in a dark, quiet room with both earplugs and headphones.

When I was a kid and there were safety drills at school, I would be a complete wreck waiting for the alarm, during, and for the rest of the day. It would make me anxious and physically ill for the entire day. I remember trying to be “tough” like all the other kids who could walk down the hallways laughing and joking, but I always had to shove my fingers in my ears and grit my teeth as I raced out of the building.

COPING

• Ear plugs: I wear earplugs while I sleep and I have done for at least a decade. I can’t fall asleep without them; I can’t even begin to relax and let down my guard without them. I’ve started to bring earplugs everywhere I go and wear them in restaurants especially.
• Noise-canceling headphones: When I first got my headphones, I wore them every chance I got but found that I panicked when I had to take them off for work. I think they actually made me more sensitive to sound and that was a horrifying discovery. Now I only wear them when I really, really need to avoid a sound that earplugs just won’t help with.
• Stimming (Blocking or recovering from bad sensory input with good/neutral stimuli): Humming or singing softly to myself is one of the most effective tools to help me deal with auditory overstimulation and sensory overload. This works by blocking out other sounds and giving me some control over what I’m hearing. Unfortunately, it’s something that society has made me feel uncomfortable doing in public, but sometimes I can’t help but do it to survive. I’m getting better at doing it in situations where I need to.
• Silence: I bathe in silence whenever possible. Silence is a breath of life.

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What Is Light Sensitivity Like for One Autistic?

Photo © Jasper Nance | Flickr / Creative Commons
[image: Photo of lightning exploding in a purple night sky above silhouetted conifer trees.]

M. Kelter
theinvisiblestrings.com

I've had a life-long aversion to lights. I wanted to share what this means in terms of the subjective experience, and how this sensitivity generally seems to operate. The concept of a sensory aversion is probably self-explanatory, but it can include more subtle effects that may not be as apparent. I've noticed two primary factors that can cause my eyes to feel pain (no surprises here): brightness levels, and sudden changes in lighting.

What are the types of "pain" involved, specifically? This can vary. Certainly an intensely bright light can cause a sharp pain, but that's probably true for many people. Let's define "intensely bright" as something akin to a camera flash. That can cause a sharp, stabbing pain, and that pain can persist for minutes or hours. It's worse in the moment of the flash, and slowly fades.

Sharp pain isn't the most common eye discomfort I experience, though. The kinds of lights that I come across most frequently—lighting in a room, for example, or overhead lights in public spaces like a grocery store—tend to create a dull, persistent ache. The pain is like a warm burn that hurts in a lasting, nagging way. The pain isn't as intense, but it is draining. That seems to be the biggest negative impact of my light sensitivity, even more than pain: the more my eyes experience a lasting ache, the more my energy level and mood plummets.

In settings where I'm unable to control the lighting, I'm basically on a timer. At some point, I'm no longer going to be able to think clearly, or have the energy left to complete tasks and function. Almost every action I might take in the course of a normal day involves mentally calculating what the lighting will be like, and how long I will be able to tolerate it. Trips to the store, social events, driving during the day and so on: any activity requires forethought regarding lights and the inevitable energy/mood crash. Again, the pain is uncomfortable, but it's the impact on my energy level that creates the biggest hurdle to daily functioning.

The other factor at play with this sensitivity is sudden changes in lighting. Even in locations where the lighting is not too bright, sudden changes in lighting will create pain and a few minutes of blurred vision. This can happen when lights are suddenly turned off, or on or when I'm walking between rooms that have different levels of brightness.

If one room has comfortable lighting and I walk into another room that also has comfortable, but different, lighting, the change alone is enough to trigger pain. It's more in the category of "dull ache," but it's an unwelcome pain and usually results in at least a few minutes of impaired vision. This also takes a chunk out of my already-in-short-supply energy level.

Also, the visual disorientation can often lead to physical mishaps. It basically looks like clumsiness, but it's more specifically about the change in brightness level and blurred vision. Tripping over unseen objects, knocking over lamps, stumbling into walls—I have a long standing habit of exiting a dark theater into the brighter lobby and plowing directly into a crowd of people: this is all a reliably embarrassing byproduct of the issue with abrupt lighting changes. (For better or worse, I've learned to pretend-laugh and feign nonchalance when these things happen, since people rarely understand what's really happening and think it's funny.)

At any given time, I have to pause and give serious consideration as to whether or not turning a light on or off, or walking to a different room, will be worth the discomfort. I think for most people, this can seem like a minor thing, but in the course of a day, even minimal differences with lights can add up to a substantial impact.

One side note: in addition to pain, lighting discomfort is usually accompanied by a visual effect, a imprint of the light that can hover in my vision for several minutes, sometimes hours. Visible bulbs for example, or rays of light from windows or other sources, can imprint a visual "memory" of that light in my vision, and it can take some time for that imprint to fade. I'm sure there is a more scientific way to describe this, but subjectively, it's like a bright little ghost that stings my eyes for as long as the impression lasts. It's not uncommon to go to bed each night, close my eyes, and spend 20 to 30 minutes waiting for the day's accumulation of light imprints to fade. Lights can both make me tired, and make it hard to sleep.

What helps manage sensory pain like this? Honestly, not a lot, but there are some measures that provide a degree of comfort. Pretty much all of them are what you would expect.

Wearing sun glasses doesn't eliminate the pain, but it does function as a kind of dimmer. It turns the discomfort down a notch or two, which can make a meaningful difference when it comes to energy levels and mood. I wear prescription transition lenses that darken in response to sun light. That helps. A little. (I wish I had less obvious things to say here.)

This second strategy is not recommended, because it involves a major shift in life style—but I personally decided to work overnight jobs as much as possible. For the first 15 years of my adult life, I exclusively worked graveyard shifts that allowed me to sleep during the day and be more active during darker, more comfortable hours. Again, this is not recommended and is not always an option, but I just decided that it was necessary in my case. The change was beneficial in terms of light issues, but it didn't do great things for my social life. There were other downsides; sensory aversions involve a lot of lifestyle choices and cost/benefit analyses.

There are more shades of discomfort and pain-triggers than I can go into here, as this is just a brief overview of light sensitivity, from a subjective angle. It goes without saying: other people with this issue may very well experience it in a different way. I can only speak for myself and hope that sharing this information is in some way useful to those wanting to know more about the day-to-day impact of sensory issues.

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